Fake Marrying Her Dad's Best Friend Read online

"Okay then," I say. "More books?"

  Chapter 4

  Storytime

  Elia

  By the time that we've made our way very slowly through 5 books, my stomach is growling. I don't know if I've eaten today. I may not have had breakfast. I put Danny on my hip and make my way to the kitchen. He immediately makes sounds warning me that he's about to start bawling.

  "None of that, little man," I say, putting him in a high chair. "You're getting a bottle and I'll find cereal or something." He's locked in as I go into the pantry and grab a box of cereal. I bring it back into the kitchen so I can pour it out into a bowl, which is hidden in a side cabinet, and add a little milk. I like my cereal soggy, which is why I made my food first. Danny gets another bottle, half of one, and he seems impatient when I put it in front of him. He jams the nipple into his face, but instead of hitting his mouth, it hits his nose. He's frustrated by his lack of motor skills.

  "Here you go, sweetheart," I say, moving it so that he can get it into his mouth and vigorously suck. He continues to drink while I finish off my bowl of cereal. I'm kind of weird and am totally obsessed with cereal that has raisins in it.

  As Danny finishes off his bottle, he lets the bottle plunk down onto the tray of his crib. Then he lets out a giant yawn.

  "Time to put you down," I say. I'll throw the cereal bowl in the sink later. I unlatch the tray and pull him into my arms. This time, he doesn't make a lot of fuss as I walk up the stairs and into Jeff's bedroom. His eyes are mostly closed by the time I get him into the crib. I make sure that he's breathing deeply before I go down the stairs and clear my dishes.

  I notice that the dishwasher is full of sparkling clean dishes, so I start to unload them. I've been in Jeff's house before, of course, but I don't know where everything is. It took a little while to find the bowl in the side cabinet. Trying put things away in someone else's kitchen is hard, but somehow I manage it. By the time I'm done, I am pooped. Danny's asleep for a little while.

  I don't dare sleep in Jeff's bed again. He might take it as an invitation. Instead, I go into the downstairs coat closet, where there's a giant blanket. I put it on the ground in Danny's bedroom and just fall asleep. I'll be able to hear him when he wakes up.

  Chapter 5

  Tiny Fingers

  Elia

  I wake up to very small fingers going into my nose.

  "What the..." I start, but it's muffled.

  "It's kind of late," Jeff says. "Maybe you should go home."

  I sit up. It's dark outside. Danny is on the ground next to me, his big blue eyes just looking at me. Jeff seems amused. I check my hair. I probably look like a dinosaur, hair spiking up everywhere.

  "Oh man," I say. "You have to think I have narcolepsy or something. Danny is always sleeping and somehow it's contagious."

  "Not a problem," Jeff says smoothly. "Don't worry about it."

  "I can't help worrying," I say. "I know how many nannies you've fired or who have quit."

  "Somehow, I think you'll be different," Jeff says. There's a light with a little fondness in his eyes. "I promise to you give some notice if it happens." He extends his hand to me. I put my much smaller hand in his huge warm one. I can feel goosebumps prickle. It feels like electricity is buzzing through my body. Too soon, I'm on my feet.

  "I'll go home now," I say, suddenly breathless.

  "See you tomorrow."

  I can feel the weight of his gaze on me as I walk home. As I go home, I decide that I don't want to go home just yet. I yank my phone out of my pocket to tell my father that I won't be home. He sends a short text back, "Ok."

  I walk to this tiny Irish pub at the end of our street. I can't drink, but I always love the live Irish music that they have on some nights and I'm totally addicted to whatever seasoning they use for their chips.

  It's somewhat empty, maybe half full if that. I order a basket of chips and it takes just a few minutes for them to come out. They aren't too busy.

  I'm fully aware that I should be eating a real dinner, but instead I squirt a huge amount of ketchup onto the plate and indulge in calorie-filled indulgence. My head is spinning. I've been on the job for two days and I have no idea if I'm going to make it.

  Jeff is really attractive. Danny seems to be warming up to me. I could be pretty happy here for the rest of the summer, except I kind of feel a spark between Jeff and me. And I don't know what to do about it.

  It feels like I'm becoming Tantalus, doomed to be tempted by water that I can never drink. If I were a good person, I'd throw in the towel and not interfere with Jeff and my dad's long-term friendship that goes back to the old days when they were both deployed.

  I am not a good person, so I begin to dream about what it would be like if I just went up to him and told him how I felt.

  "I want you," I say. I put one hand on his cheek. "And I know you want me, too."

  No hesitation at all. He takes my dress off of me and discards my undergarments. His mouth descends on mine, hot and passionate. He's wearing a shirt and pants. I unbuckled his belt as he wraps his hands around my waist and sticks his tongue in my mouth, slowly pulsing in a rhythm that makes me crazy. I unzip his pants and push his pants and boxers off. He strips off his shirt. I take a moment to appreciate the sight of Jeff shirtless. Damn. But the moment is gone because he's settling himself between my thighs.

  "It's your lucky day. Today, we're giving out free berry cider."

  "I can't drink," I say, blushing because I'm totally wet but also have to talk to this waitress. When I was 12, my dad had taken me to a pub where I'd ordered apple cider, which made everyone laugh. I hadn't known that it was alcoholic.

  "Non-alcoholic," the waitress says to me, the smile never leaving her pretty face. "Would you like some?"

  "Sounds good to me."

  In another minute, she's coming back to me with a beautiful glass of purple cider. The first taste of it tastes like Welch's Fruit Snacks. It is really good.

  "I didn't know that berry cider even existed," I say.

  "It's a special today. If you buy a gallon, it's half price, so if you want to take some home, just say so when you're paying your bill. Is there anything else I can get for you?"

  "No thanks," I tell her. She flounces off to bring berry cider to other people. I didn't realize how good berry cider could be with thick, salty chips, but they complement each other wonderfully well. There's a kind of bite to the berry cider which I totally love.

  After polishing off the thick-cut fries, which I totally love way more than shoestring fries, I know that I have to head home. But there's a kind of dread sitting in my stomach. My dad isn't expecting me home. I decide to call my friend Camilla. She has a little boy, Jacky, so she's been kind of busy lately. I text her before I call.

  Are you free?

  In another few seconds, my phone buzzes. There's a little notification that says yes.

  I call her. "Hey."

  "Hi," she says. "Jacky, put that down right now! It doesn't go in your mouth!"

  I stifle a giggle. It feels good to know that I'm not the only one taking care of a particularly unruly baby.

  "Sorry about that," she says. "He wanted to put a plug in his mouth. I swear, ever since he learned how to walk, he's been into everything. We've tried to baby-proof the whole house, but I seriously don't think that they sell Jacky-proofing materials."

  "You sound frazzled," I say. "When can I come meet your little monster?"

  "How about tonight? Are you free? I was planning on ordering some barbecue pizza and if you're coming, I'll open up a bottle of sparkling apple cider."

  "Sounds great," I say. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

  Camilla lives just around the corner from the pub. She's really not far away, but she's still in school alongside taking care of their kid during the day. Lincoln wanted to hire two nannies to help her, but Camilla has insisted on taking care of most of the childcare on her own.

  Chapter 6

  Visiting Camilla


  Elia

  When I walk up to her door, it's already open. There's a very tiny face peeking out from behind the door.

  "Hi, Jacky," I say, kneeling down. He just looks at me with his gorgeous dark eyes and scampers away.

  "Camilla," I call.

  "Coming!" she says. When she steps into the hallway, she is putting an earring in her left ear. "I swear, I live in yoga pants and never put on makeup."

  "You look gorgeous," I say. "And I don't believe you."

  "You're good for my ego, you big liar," Camilla says, kissing my cheek. "Come on in and ignore the little tornado." Despite her words, she's intently looking at Jacky, not me. He's investigating a very large teddy bear that's bigger than him. He kicks the bear's stomach.

  "No hitting!" she calls out. Jacky shoves a thumb in his mouth and belly flops on the bear's legs. Then he pulls his thumb out of his mouth and starts crawling around the room. I like watching the way that his tiny legs move as he crawls as fast as he can.

  "He's not as confident as he'd like to be when walking. He's really more interested in crawling, since it's more reliable. He always looks very surprised when he falls on his butt." I can hear the exasperation in her voice, but I can also hear the pride and clear love that she has for her baby son. I choke back my own jealousy, because I should be happy for her. But I just wish that I had a fraction of what she did.

  "So what are you doing this summer?" Camilla asks, pouring us both a champagne flute of sparkling apple cider. "The pizza should be here in about 30 minutes."

  "Cool," I say. "I'm working."

  "Yeah? Where?"

  "I'm a nanny for Jeff, the guy next door."

  "Your dad's business partner? The really hot one?"

  I can feel my cheeks heat. "Maybe."

  "Spill," Camilla says, draining her glass. "Oh Lord, what I wouldn't give for a solid piece of gossip. Most of my day is spent making sure the baby doesn't accidentally kill himself and the night is spent studying. Tell me about it."

  "Um," I say, twirling the end of a braid around my finger. "So it's complicated."

  "Cop out," she says. "Tell me more."

  "He's had an incredibly hard time keeping a nanny for his kid. Danny has colic and cries a lot."

  "I have a recipe for that. I was terrified of colic and have a recipe that the midwife gave me, but Jacky has been as healthy as a horse. He’s more likely to laugh than cry, so I haven’t tried it out. Do you want it?"

  "Sure," I say. "I don't know if it'll help, but it won't hurt to try."

  "Keep an eye on Jacky while I dig through my pregnancy materials," she says. "It might take a while."

  I wait until she's gone and sink to the floor. I'm wearing a dress, which is not what you'd consider ideal for crawling around on the floor, but I made it work with Danny.

  "Hey, Jacky." I crawl over to him. "What do you have there?"

  It is some kind of clear cube with something springy inside. He's shoving a corner of it into his mouth.

  "Is that tasty?" I ask, wondering if Camilla disinfects all of Jacky's toys or if the cleaning agents are worse than a little bit of dirt which will bolster their immune systems.

  He drops it on the carpet and crawls quickly away from me, as if he's been spooked. I just watch as he picks up a pink rubber toy that squeaks. He rolls it with his hand and then overbalances, landing on his side. He scrunches up his face and prepares to cry. I don't think he's hurt. He's just surprised.

  "Hey, little one." I stroke his back. "You're okay." I then shout, "Camilla."

  "Coming," she says. When she walks into the room, she's carrying a big clear box with folders in it. Camilla has little tabs with labels all over them. "I'm still trying to find the right thing."

  I say, "Jacky just sort of overbalanced and seemed like he was going to cry."

  "It happens all the time," Camilla says. "He thinks his body is bigger and more stable than it is, so he's perpetually surprised," she explains. "Don't worry," she continues.

  With his mother back in the room, Jacky wanders over to a floppy stuffed dog as if the near-tears never happened. He purses his lips as he tries to get the dog to stand on its four legs, even though the dog doesn't have enough stiffness to make that happen.

  Camilla is kneeling on the ground, digging through the box. "Okay, recipes..." She pulls out a sheaf of recipes and begins to leaf through them. "Aha! Gotcha!" she exclaims.

  "Great job," I say, holding out a hand for the recipe. She walks over to me.

  "Fennel? Seriously?"

  "Don't knock it until you've tried it." Camilla smooths back a little hair that escaped from her headband. "There are mothers who would sell their souls to cure their babies' colic. The midwife had dealt with a lot of mothers, and she said that this was the best remedy. It won't hurt the baby."

  "Cool," I say, tucking the recipe into my purse.

  Jacky is now in the process of trying to stand up. He's doing downward dog, trying to push against the floor, but he doesn't seem to know how to get upright.

  "How are you and Lincoln doing?" I ask Camilla. I drink more of the sparkling apple cider.

  "I am so in love," Camilla sighs. "Yesterday, he brought home a bouquet of roses."

  "Did I forget your birthday?"

  "Nope," she says.

  "Anniversary?"

  "No," she replies, laughing a little. "He bought me roses just because he was thinking of me."

  "Really sweet," I say.

  "You wouldn't think so, because he's so...masculine, but he's really tender sometimes."

  "Girl, you're verging on TMI territory." I cover my eyes. "Tell me about Jacky."

  "Boy is growing like a weed," Camilla complains. "I barely buy clothes that fit him today before he's grown out of them. At this point, I'm going to have to buy clothes that are 3 sizes too big just to catch up."

  I raise my eyebrows. "Lincoln is pretty tall," I say.

  "Yup," Camilla agrees, nodding a little. "And Jacky just might get there."

  Jacky has given up on standing and has settled back into crawling. He goes under the table legs and finds an abandoned Cheerio.

  "No!" Camilla says. "Dirty!"

  Jacky immediately puts it in his mouth, crunches it, and swallows. Camilla is appalled, but I'm hiding a smile behind my hand.

  "He's a handful," I say.

  "Believe me, you're seeing him on his best behavior," Camilla says. But there's a secret smile lurking around the corners of her mouth. She pours herself more cider and sips on it.

  "How are classes going?" I ask.

  "Not bad," she says. "I'm not going to graduate in four years, but I'm totally fine with that. I’m 22, so I have plenty of time. I just want to make sure that I get some kind of degree. We do have a part-time nanny sometimes during the school year, just in case Lincoln doesn't make it home in time to grab the baby when I'm going to class and to make sure that I have time to work on homework, but otherwise we've been taking care of Jacky all on our own."

  "Aren't you exhausted? Babies don't sleep through the night."

  "Lincoln takes care of night feedings," Camilla confesses.

  "Damn, girl!" I whistle. "Must be nice."

  "It is. He is," she says.

  "You picked the right man," I say. "I don't know how many men who would do that."

  "He's special," Camilla says. "But enough about me. Tell me about your job."

  "I'm taking care of Danny, like I said. And it's been pretty good. I mean, the commute is pretty fast."

  "He lives next door to you," Camilla says. "So of course."

  "Right, so, I try to keep Danny quiet during conference calls and stuff, but he's a big crier."

  "The recipe should help," she says. "And if it doesn't, there might be more tricks in my bag. You poor thing, you didn't even go through parenting class."

  "I haven't," I say, a little dazed. Of course she had more information than I do. I've been flying blind. I make a mental note to talk to Jeff about any parent
ing materials he has tucked away.

  Camilla's phone rings. "Hello?" She waits for a minute. "Yeah." Another pause. "Sure, honey. I'll make sure to set the table for a few more." She waits again. "Bye."

  She puts the phone down. "My husband is going to bring 2 people home for dinner."

  "That's cool. I should go..."

  "No, you can stay. I would love to gossip. I'm just going to make broccoli quiche so that I don't have to do much."

  "Cool," I say. And I go and lean against the kitchen counter as Camilla buzzes around the kitchen.

  "Why don't you guys have a housekeeper?"

  Camilla tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, Lincoln used to have one."

  "And?"

  "And she didn't approve of our relationship."

  "I'm sure you could afford to get another one." "We could, but that's not the point. We will eventually, but right now I'm home during the day and I love to cook."

  I raise my eyebrows at Camilla.

  "I've been learning. Lincoln eats all of my experiments, sometimes more cheerfully than others."

  I smile. "That's the Camilla I know and love."

  She snorts while she whisks some eggs. "It's been good. And Jacky is my whole world now."

  "Don't you wish you were just hanging out in your dorm, though?"

  "Kelly is married, too," she says. "And it's not like I am staring back at what used to be. It's not what I need to build a future with Lincoln and Jacky." She sighs. "And also I'm pregnant again."

  "WHAT?"

  "Yeah." She giggles to herself as she opens the fridge to take out cheese. "I know that it's kind of surprising, but I am pregnant again."

  "Is it a girl?"

  "We don't know yet. We won't learn until the five-month checkup."

  "Tell me."

  Camilla turns around to raise a single eyebrow at me. "What, so you can knit a baby blanket?"